morning madness

Sometimes I wish I was funny.  I'm really not.  Most of the time when I get laughs it's because I don't realize that I'm totally bonkers and actually say--out loud--the stuff that pops into my head.  But sometimes a story can just be funny in and of itself.  I'm not sure I think so yet, but I'm pretty sure in a few hours or days I'll be able to laugh about what happened.  So here is a little story about how my day started.

I had a terrible morning.

I woke up with a sore throat.  I told my husband that I wasn't going to get much done today and fully intended to keep that promise.  Then I realized that my daughter had preschool, and I had a doctor appointment, which both started at the same time.  No biggie, though, Miss E gets bussed to preschool (can I say that bussing is stinking awesome?), so as long as I have Miss M and myself ready when Miss E gets picked up, we can all make it on time.

So now I have a sore throat, and I have to get two girls, plus myself, ready for the day.  You wouldn't think that would be hard, would you?  Except Miss M has decided that changing clothes is the worst thing that a parent could do to their child EVER.  So, twice a day, I have to try to avoid the complete and utter meltdown that usually follows me asking Miss M to put on something other than what she is already wearing.  I manage to get her out of her PJs and into real clothes in less than 20 minutes with minimal screaming only because she asks for fruit snacks and I tell her the only way she is getting them is if she is dressed.

Of course, Miss E also picks today to decide that preschool is SO boring that she can't possibly make herself get ready.  This is only because she is in the middle of a really good My Little Pony play session and doesn't want to quit when I tell her it's time to get ready.  Finally, I tell her that if she misses the bus, I'm taking away her ponies for the rest of the day.  This motivates her to get her shoes and socks on just as the bus is pulling up to our house.

Miss M and I aren't ready to go because I've been fighting with Miss E to get ready for the past 10 minutes, while trying to pack her lunch.  Luckily, I have a new sweater to wear so I didn't have to try on twelve outfits before feeling like I've appropriately covered my pregnant belly, and was therefore able to get my hair and make-up done before the shouting match with Miss E.

As we're leaving, Miss M spots the leftover pizza, part of which was put into Miss E's lunch.  She wants some, so I grab a piece and throw everything in the car.  This means that when we arrive at the doctor's office, Miss M has pizza sauce all over her face, ringing both sides of her coat collar, down her sleeve, in a big spot on the front of her jacket, along the inside of her pant leg, all over her hands, and in her hair.  Even though I'm already 10 minutes late for my appointment, I hurriedly grab a wipe from my purse and try to get the biggest chunks off, if for no other reason than to keep my clothes clean when she insists that I "youee you!" (meaning "Carry you!" or in other words, "Carry me, mom!").

At the appointment, it all goes pretty well, except I find out that I have both a yeast and a bacterial infection, for which, I'll have to take antibiotics for "only 7 days twice a day" which is likely to upset my stomach and give me a "metallic taste" in my mouth and use a topical ointment.  Oh goody.

I have my doctor call in the prescription to Walgreens because I figure I can go to the drive thru and not have to get Miss M out of the car again.  Anyone with a one year old knows how difficult it can be to get them back in if they are done riding in the car, and since it was going to be her nap time soon, that was likely to happen.

I get to Walgreens and the prescription is ready and it's only $15.  That is wonderful, right?  Well, it could have been, and looking back, I should have just paid the money and run.  However, I finally have an ID number for my insurance that was supposed to be effective over a month ago, and I think I have prescription coverage, so I might as well use it.  I give the pharmacy tech the member number and the group number.  She says she can't run it without a BIN and a PCN.  Since my healthcare has such good customer service (they really do--I'm being serious), I decide to pull forward and call them for the info.  Which I do.  I then pull back around to the window and another pharmacy tech comes to the window.  I tell him I have the info and he puts it into the computer.  He then tells me that the BIN doesn't match the PCN, so it won't go through.

Like I said, I should have just paid the $15 and moved on, especially since little M was getting cranky and hot in the back seat.  But I had put this much time into it, I couldn't just go home now.  So I pull forward again and call the health insurance back.  The girl in customer service calls their pharmacy department for me and finds out that for some reason, our pharmacy benefits are billed through a third party company and that company won't give her the billing information, they are insisting that the pharmacy call them to get it.

So I drive back around to the window and tell them they have to call to get the billing information.
The kind tech tells me, "No.  That isn't right.  I've never had to do that before.  Your insurance should just give you the info if you call them."
"I have them on the phone right now," I tell him, "and she is saying you have to call them."
"You're paying for insurance, they should let you have it," he says.  Well thank you for that gem of wisdom.
The customer service lady who I still have on the phone says that the third party billing company won't give me the info either.  Great.
I'm so frustrated at this point, I tell the pharmacy tech, "Look, I've been to this window four times now.  This isn't great customer service.  Can you just call them?"
He says, "Fine, give me the number.  If you come in, I can call right away, or if you want to come back, I can probably do it in a half an hour."
So I either have to get my tired, cranky one-year-old out of the car and then back in again, or I have to come back in a 1/2 hour?  Not great choices, really, but I decided to grab some fruit from the grocery store that we need and come back.

Off I head to the grocery across the street where I get Miss M out of the car.  She says she wants water, so as soon as we get in the store, I ask where the water fountain is.  All the way at the back of the store, the clerk tells me.  So off we trudge to the back, where Miss M sticks her face in the water for 5 minutes only to soak the front of her coat and not get much down her throat.  At this point I decide that it's not worth it to drive back over to Walgreens, I'll just call my doctor's office and have them call the prescription into the pharmacy at the grocery store.  Why I didn't think of that earlier, I'll never know.  But of course, the card with the insurance info and the doctor's phone number is sitting on the passenger seat of my car.  Pulling Miss M away from the fountain to head back out to the car, she throws a screaming fit which ends in her literally kicking her feet and pounding her fists face down on the filthy linoleum floor.

Physically dragging her out to the car, I remember we have an empty water bottle in the back seat.  I saw it there earlier while I was trying to entertain her in line at the pharmacy drive up.  She calms down a little when I tell her we'll get her some water in a bottle when we come back in.

I grab the water bottle and the cards from the front seat, and try to dial the office number while holding little M's hand walking back into the store.  The number on the card is no longer in service.  Are you kidding me?  The appointment reminder card that I got today has an invalid number on it?  Lovely, just lovely.  So I google the doctor's name on my phone and get another number for the clinic, which I dial.  A nice nurse answers and I tell her I need to have my prescription called into another pharmacy.  She asks me my name just in time for my service to cut out, since I'm now half-way to the back of the store to fill up a water bottle.

I fill up the water bottle, and take out my phone to call the doctor's office back.  It is then that I realize that Miss E will be dropped off by the bus in about four minutes because this quick doctor visit has turned into a 2-hour ordeal.  Grabbing Miss M, who is screaming again because I won't give her the water bottle, I hurry as fast as my aching hips will let me, out to the car, where Miss M only lets me put her back in because I promise to give her the water bottle.

I make a quick exit of the parking lot, making M spill water all over herself, and drive the 5 minute drive home to find the bus waiting in front of my driveway. Trying to show my embarrassment at being late, I thank the bus driver and the three of us head inside.

Miss M is so tired by this point that pretty much anything is making her cry, and I'm pregnant and it's 1:45 in the afternoon and I haven't eaten anything since breakfast.  We are a happy lot.

I finally get Miss M changed into a dry shirt and into bed for her nap, turn on Tangled for Miss E, then eat some lunch, and sit down to decompress and write this post.

Phew!  Quite the morning, huh?  The afternoon is looking better.  I hope none of you can top my lovely morning escapade, but I'd love to hear some of your horror stories, if you have them.  It's always nice to know you're not alone, right?